1

Psychotherapy is a long process of interacting with the same specialist (psychologist). Before starting this process, it's good to choose the right person for yourself. There are a few questions worth asking the specialist. For example: What is your education? Have you undergone individual therapy yourself? What about supervision?

2

Quick changes won't happen. Instant enlightenment won't either. Even trust doesn't develop right away (and that's normal – you need to observe the person, check if they're safe).

3

If you're lucky, some insights may arise during the therapy session. But most likely, the most valuable thoughts will come up between sessions. And, of course, they have nothing to do with the therapist's efforts (just kidding).

4

A few sessions later, you might feel like becoming friends with the therapist (marrying them, being adopted by them). The therapist might seem almost perfect – attentive, empathetic, understanding. This is called "positive transference." When you notice strong sympathy, just remember that you're meeting for a special activity called "psychotherapy." The therapist is supposed to be attentive to you. They listen to you. It's a job. But friendship goes both ways. Therapists in friendships are just like any other people. They can grumble, be late, complain, be dissatisfied, and not very talkative... Think, is that what you want? And discuss it with the therapist.

5

After a while, your therapist might start to annoy you. You might be late for appointments, glance at other therapists, cancel sessions, or get sick/run away on urgent matters right before they start. This resistance can manifest during times of change. Treat it with respect. Your mind has developed defense mechanisms over the years to protect you, and now it won't give them up easily without testing new ways of behaving and feeling. Discuss these experiences with the therapist. You'll learn a lot.

6

Sometimes, the therapist may remind you of your mother/father/grandmother/teacher, etc., and trigger associated feelings. This is called "projection." Talk to the therapist about your feelings. Definitely listen to the response. Afterward, try to detach fantasy from the real person sitting in front of you.

7

During therapy, you'll recall many childhood situations. You'll experience various (mostly unpleasant) feelings toward your mother/father. Remember, these emotions are not about you in the present moment but about the child you once were toward the young woman/man who used to be your mother/father. So, spare your present, mature self from the grievances. Clarify your feelings in the therapist's office.

8

After some time, you might feel like ending psychotherapy. If it's not resistance to change, it won't be difficult for you to attend the final session to express gratitude and say goodbye to the therapist. (Remember, when you leave without saying goodbye, one living person in the world gets sad – your therapist).

9

If your therapist asks for permission to seek supervision about your case, don't rush to think badly of them. On the contrary, you're very fortunate. You've found a true professional who cares about the quality of their work and acknowledges that they're not all-powerful.

10

If you've changed several psychologists, and only this new one helped you, it means the others did a good deal of invisible work preparing you for change.

11

If your therapist takes a vacation once a year – that's great. But if it's twice – that's simply superb! And they inform you in advance... If, on top of all that, they are willing to see you strictly at the scheduled and agreed-upon times – then you're very lucky. You've got a good specialist who has their life in order and respects boundaries. That means you can have that too.

12

After a while, your loved ones might tell you that "this therapy of yours has made things worse." It's because a person who learns to listen to themselves, understand their feelings and desires, takes responsibility for their life and state, will want the same from others. You'll become uncomfortable because you'll learn to take care of yourself, not burden yourself beyond what you can handle, calmly say "no" or "I'm not ready to continue this conversation with you in this tone" or "I need a break to listen to myself." Oh, and pick up a couple more phrases along the way.

13

Don't expect that after completing a course of therapy, conflicts, troubles, and other pains will stop happening in your life. They will happen. You'll just deal with them more resiliently.

14

And one more thing: they say the duration of therapy is determined by the depth of a person's interest in themselves.